***Note - you are about to read a miserable update - so continue at your own pace***
Some days I feel like crap. Some days I would rather not get out of bed. Some days I just want to scream. And some days I just want to cry.
Today is one of those days where I'd rather just curl up in bed and sob myself to sleep. Really, it would be ridiculously selfish to do such a thing, because I have so much to be happy for in my life right now. The surgery is past me, I do not have any major complications, it's not cancer, and most importantly of all - I'M ALIVE!
So why am I so sad? I can't exactly explain it, other than I miss my 'old' life.
I miss being able to sleep any which way I want at night, tossing and turning in my sleep, without being woken up by shooting pains when the right side of my face or neck hits the sheets or pillows.
I miss rolling over in bed to snuggle with my husband.
I miss how great I felt after a good workout at the gym.
I miss going for a family bike ride with my husband and kids.
I miss snuggling with my children. You know, the "right before bed" kind of snuggle, when they are really tired, and curl right up in your arms... you can run your fingers through their hair and across their face...and they wrap their little arms around your neck and just hold tight.
I know that healing takes time. I know it won't happen overnight, although I desperately pray and wish for it. I know I can hurt myself by pushing too hard, too fast. I know that it's not quite been three weeks since the surgery. I know slow and steady wins the race. I get all of that.
But, I'm me. And those who know me, know I have zero patience. Zero. Zilch. Nada. I do expect to heal by leaps and bounds so that I can get on with my life. I can't continue to sit back and watch everyone else have fun, while I have to stay behind. So when I do things that I probably shouldn't (like go to the gym or do chores around the house), please don't judge me or tell me I should be resting. Please just understand that I need to get out, and need to feel like my life is on its way to feeling 'normal' again.
For now, I am miserable and it sucks.
I have a brilliant idea...why don't you fly down here for a few days. You can snuggle with Jackson and help me make chocolate candies for Emily's shower!!! You can even do my chores if you are so inclined :) And you can cook for us. Wow...it doesn't get any better than that! Seriously, fly on down so you can rest and we can pamper you here.
ReplyDeleteOh how I WISH I could just pack up and fly down there! 1-if only I could fly, and 2-if mom and dad would come back from their month long vaca to keep the kids :) maybe in a few months...
ReplyDeleteIn the meantime I've got dozens of cake pops to make, want to come help??
XOXO
Hi Kym,
ReplyDeleteI just had my parotidectomy on January 12. What you describe here is pretty much how I'm feeling right now. I can't get back to work yet because it's too physically demanding, I miss cuddling and I just want my ear to stop feeling like someone is pushing on the back of it as hard as they can.
I am glad to be passed the worst of it (when I came to after surgery I felt like I had been run over by a bus and it took everything in me just to get the words "help me" heard by nurse), but I still wish I could just feel normal again.
Anyway, thank you so much for creating this blog. I'm sure it's been helpful to many people, myself included.
Sincerely,
C
I don't know if you still check this blog but I've been reading it. I just had my surgery Sept 6th. My incision was huge! Roughly 8inches complete with an awful drain that I just had removed yesterday. That was a relief. I just wanted to tell you that your blog helped me so much. This was my first surgery ever and I was pretty scared. My pain is ok for now but I have moments where I just can't catch a break. Trying not to feel frustrated. Your blog is inspiring. Thank you for sharing. Julie M
ReplyDelete