2 weeks post-op

Wow, I'm at the two week mark post-op mark today. And while I'd like to say "I'm back to normal!", that would be far from true. I am working on understanding and accepting what the "new normal" will be, and having a hard time coping with some things I have lost.

you can barely notice the scar
in the front of my ear

Mainly, sleeping on my right side. Oh how I loved to curl up in the fetal position and snuggle with my pillow. Yes, I can still do that on my left side, but my body likes to switch while asleep, and now I find myself waking up in shooting pain whenever I even begin to lean towards the right.

There will always be nerve damage on the right side of my face and neck, always. And while the swelling and bruising is mainly a thing of the past, the tingling and numbness (although "numb" doesn't really describe the feeling) is still very much there. That is frustrating to me, because even after previous surgeries on my body (left knee), I never experienced nerve damage or shooting pains whenever the area was touched.

Great big, giant, arms-outstretched hugs from my kids - that's another of my hardest losses to accept. I loved when they would wrap their little arms around my neck, and hold tight so I could sweep them off their feet and hug them with all my might. Hugs nowadays have turned into little hugs on the left side of my neck and shoulder. It's not a real hug, in any sense of the word, and it breaks my heart.

Both kids have done great remembering which side is my "good side" and which is the one to avoid. Every now and again Colin will come running at me, stop right in front of my face, and peak over both of my shoulders to make sure he's safe, before giving me a little hug. Oh how I long for those great, big, bear hugs!

and hopefully one day you won't be
able to notice the back part either

As for the incision itself, I spoke with the doctors nurse this morning (who spoke with the doctor prior to calling me), and she recommended I snip off whatever I could from the stitch that's sticking out. The doctor said he definitely cut the ends internally yesterday, but that it may just be very tight from my pulling on the remaining piece of stitch, so I should massage around the area for a while. Gentle massage. Well, I did that for about an hour today, and can still feel the little bit of plastic stitch protruding from the top of the incision.

Apparently these stitches dissolve over time, but just how much "time" it takes is beyond me. Could be days, weeks, months or even years. Everyone's body is different. And seeing how well my body adjusted to the medicines, I'm not holding out any positive hope that it can process and destroy this stitch. Not to mention it feels like I gave myself an awful face lift around my ear. I pulled that stitch way too tight last night with the tweezers, and all the massaging in the world this morning didn't manage to loosen it up one bit.

I also found out about the bruised area next to my right eye (see picture at the top). All this time I had been thinking something must have fallen on my face during the surgery, but it turns out he had to make a small incision there for the nerve monitor. It looks like it's all healing fine, but there's still a brownish bruise near my eye, and it's hard for me to apply eye make-up on that eye.

I'm scheduled to go back in four months for another MRI and visit with the doctor. Then four months after that, and four months after that. At that point, if the tumor has not reappeared, I'll be seen on a yearly basis. He feels the chance of recurrence is less than 20%. Unfortunately he was not able to create a positive margin of normal gland all the way around the tumor, as some of it was pressed up against the nerve. Therefor, there's a risk the tumor may have 'feelers' still out there, and could eventually come back to life.

Final diagnosis on the biopsy, which includes the right superficial parotid gland, with inferior deep lobe tumor (measuring 2.6cm by 3.2cm by 1.3cm):

• Pleomorphic adenoma (benign mixed tumor)
• 1.5cm abutting the posterior resection margin, <0.1cm from the superior resection margin, abutting the medial resection margin, and abutting the anterior resection margin.
• Six lymph nodes, no tumor seen.
• The specimen reveals a white-tan, gelatinous, well-circumscribed nodule at the medial aspect of the specimen measuring 1.5cm by 1.0cm by 0.7cm.

closer view of the back - I think it's cut on angles to blend in with the ridges in my skin

All in all, I'm free to do as I wish, except swim for a few weeks. The incision must completely heal before I can go in a pool, or under water, again. And while I've been given the green-light to drive, I have to limit myself. I'm unable to rotate my neck, or make any sudden movements, so I'm going to abstain from driving for a bit longer. I will first venture out on my own somewhere local, but only when I'm 100% comfortable will I bring the kids in the car with me.

As for getting back to the gym... well, as much as I'd love it, I've got to let the incision heal some more. I cannot lift a laundry basket full of laundry, so until that happens I won't be lifting any weights. And since a 6 step jog from the car to the front door yesterday put me in pain, there will be no major cardio workouts just yet.

Slow and steady... slow and steady...